I moved out of my parents house a month ago and am now living with my boyfriend’s family. My parents are seperated and I was living with my father and his wife. I was suffering from fairly serious deppression and was on a downward spiral. So, I told my parents that I was moving out to get help. The people that I live with now have much experience with depression and some other mental health issues. At the time that I left, my father’s wife said that I was no longer part of her family and that she never wanted to see or speak to me again. I have not spoken to either of them since. My younger sister is visiting for christmas soon and I want to be able to see her but I am not comfortable seeing my father or his wife because I know that they will give me a hard time. What do I do? How can I see my sister without having to suffer their wrath?
A: I’m sure there is more to this story than you were able to put in a letter. You did what you thought you needed to do to get the help you needed. But it sounds like your father and wife experienced the way you did it as a rejection of them. It’s certainly an extreme reaction to cut you off so completely when what you really needed was love and support. Then again, maybe you had been critical of them and hard to live with and they had just had enough.
The first step to fixing this is to take responsibility for your part in it. You can’t, of course, make them make the first move to put things back together. The only person you can control is you. If you are pulling out of the depression and if you love your sister and want to see her, it’s time for you to take the high road and to reach out to your dad and his wife. Yes, they will give you a hard time, especially if their feelings are hurt. But a hard time never killed anyone. You can handle it. Maybe you need to apologize to them for something. Maybe you need to let them know that you didn’t mean to make it seem like you were giving up on their family.
If that situation with your dad is truly hopeless, it occurs to me that the other way for you to see your sister is through your mom. Chances are that your sister will try to see your mother too. Maybe the three of you can have some time together.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
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