Well I was with this guy for 4 years. I fell in love with him and he was my very first serious relationship. We just had our 4 year anniversary in Sept. and we were doing good. I thought he loved me and everything was going good, he even got a tattoo of my name on his neck!! My parents don’t approve of him because they think he’s bad for me. So I have to sneak around their backs to see him since he lives out of town, about 2 hours away. I went to visit him in the Fall and he kinda acted a little weird and was accusing me of being with someone else. I didn’t really think anything though. Until the day after I got home he called me and said It’s over between us. I asked why and he said he couldn’t tell me and hung up. So I called back to this number and some girl answered and said she’s with him and they have been together for a month, and she is pregnant by him!! She knows everything me and him had together and how long we’ve been together. But he has been cheating on me for a month and now he left me for her. He hasn’t called me since, but I love him and miss him so much!! At times I feel like calling him and telling him how much I love him and to just come back to me. I feel like I did something wrong to make him wanna cheat on me and leave me. What should I do??

A: I’m so sorry that your heart has been broken by the man you loved. It’s hard to tell if he’s a worthless cheat or if he is a decent guy who is “manning up” to be responsible to the child he has fathered — or both. Regardless, he has moved on and it’s time for you to do the same. In a strange way you’d like to think this is your fault because that would put you back in control. If you did something wrong, you could make it right. Right? Wrong.

You’ve been with this boy since you were only 12. That means your only experience with love is with a boy you had to lie about to be with. Not good. Let’s see if you can do better and find someone both you and your parents can like.

I’m sure this boy had some good qualities. Most people do. Figure out what was right about this relationship and look for a guy who has all of that plus. Let your girlfriends know that you are looking and ask them to introduce you to anyone they think you might like. Don’t be shy about saying hello to boys who interest you. Once people know you’re available, chances are that things will begin to happen.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 18 Dec 2007

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2007). I feel like I did something wrong to make him wanna cheat.. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 23, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2007/12/18/i-feel-like-i-did-something-wrong-to-make-him-wanna-cheat/

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