Q. Ok…i think that i am a sufferer of borderline personality disorder but because i work in the mental health community and dont know if me getting help will be found out by my job and cost me my job. what should i do? lately, the outbursts and the “i dont give a sh*t attitudes are more persistant. the bigger issue is that i have 2 children who i love more than anything but can’t always control my episodes. i often lash out at them in bursts of anger but try to refrain from EVER touching them/ i’m afraid that if i touch them at these times that i will hurt them. i usually will disappear for hours (at most 1 day) whright before this happens. i usually leave when i meet someone who gives me that special feeling. all inall, i feel at my witts end. i have never been medicated tho i have been hopsitalized on 1 occasion for attempted suicide. that was the only time that it was documented but there were many many other times. i was also self mutilated or cut all of my hair off or…just not wanted to be bothered with anyone. i’ll stay away form people for days or weeks or months or if i am around others physically, i am “not there” mentally. you know what i mean? i know that it has to do with my childhood…a lot of what i do has a lot to do with my childhood…i just don’t know how much longer i can “self heal”. what should i do? i am afraid that 1 day i won’t be able to control the impules and do something stupid. please help me.
A. I think you know you need help. As you mentioned, your version of “self healing” is not working. There are plenty of people who work in the mental health field who have sought help for themselves. There is nothing wrong with this and it is not uncommon. Not only is there nothing wrong with getting help for yourself but there is little chance that with the new strict privacy laws that anyone would find out. Therapists are not legally allowed to divulge this information to anyone, especially employers without your written approval. Even if someone did find out that you were seeking help, which would be unlikely, you cannot be fired. Firing an employee for seeking mental health assistance would be against the law.
You’re afraid and you’re on the verge of losing control. I am worried because you mentioned that you lash out of your children, cannot control your outbursts around your children and sometimes you disappear for hours. You need to seek help. You especially need to get help for the sake of your children. Children need a stable home environment and a stable mother. Children can often sense when their home life or their parents are out of balance and not well.
My suggestion is that you make contact with a therapist immediately. Getting help does not make you a bad person or a bad mother. It makes you a responsible person who realizes that you are in need of external help to assist you in controlling your behavior and emotions and to ensure your children live in a stable, safe and an unthreatening environment. Please seek this outside assistance. Take care.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 17 Dec 2007
Randle, K. (2007). I Think I Need Help. What Do I Do?. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 7, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2007/12/17/i-think-i-need-help-what-do-i-do/