Boyfriend’s mom is too attached.

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

My boyfriends mother is weirdly attached to him and others agree. she cries when they fight, she calls 5 times an hour and sometimes will call and say i love you please talk to me while hes hanging out wiht me she calls the minute he is out of school to see where is he, once he was going to the bathroom and she knocked on the door to say i love you and sends him i miss you or i love you texts and its weird she also lets him get away with smoking and drinking as if to seem like the cool mom or so he will love her more and im extremely jealous of anytime they spend together. he is now being home schooled and shes thrilled she gets to spend her time with him and i hate anytime they are together i just get furious and now that he is home with her i dont think i can deal with it it just keeps getting worse and i dont know what to do

A: You’re right. What you describe really is weird. It’s as if his mom wants him to be her partner, not her son. At his age, it is appropriate, and in fact important, that he begin to separate from her and figure out who he is. Instead of encouraging him to become more independent, she is drawing him in closer.

What you label as jealousy might be your intuition that there is something unhealthy going on here. You care about your boyfriend and you want a normal relationship with him. He may think he is getting away with a lot by keeping things just as they are. He isn’t inclined to negotiate or demand that she treat him more appropriately. In that sense, your issue is with him, not his mother. She can only do all these things if he puts up with it. As a teenaged girlfriend, there is little you can do about the situation except talk with your boyfriend. If he isn’t willing to give up some of the dubious benefits of being the center of mom’s world, he may not be the guy for you.

I wish you well,
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 3 Dec 2007

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2007). Boyfriend’s mom is too attached.. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 24, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2007/12/03/boyfriends-mom-is-too-attached/