Jealous wife, frustrated husband

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I have been married 10 months and every time I go out in public places my wife thinks I am looking at other women. Sometimes I have acted violent because of this. I really do not look at other women and I have clearly told her still my wife has lot of mistrust in men. I think her father cheated on her mother a long time ago and it will probably take time to get trust for her in men. I do not know but I am frustrated when she accuses me. She feels disrespected when she feels I am looking at other women.

Are these kinds of issue common for newly wed? Also we have fights frequently.
is that fine as long as we are non reactive. Therapy is not an option in my area. What would you suggest so that I can have her trust me and get over this problem.
Thanks

A: I am so glad you wrote. You two are in trouble and you haven’t even celebrated a first anniversary. Your wife is jealous. You get violent. You are fighting. She doesn’t trust you. You are frustrated with her. This is not a healthy foundation for a marriage! And, no, it is not common for newlyweds to act like this.

The good news is that you are reaching for some help. I don’t know why you think that therapy isn’t an option in your area. I found several well-qualified therapists in your city. Click on “find a therapist” on the home page for a place to start. And, yes, I am advising therapy — quick. If you two could figure this out for yourselves, you would have done so already! You loved each other enough to marry. Now I hope you love each other enough to put in the work to learn how to be mutually trusting and supportive and to make dramatic and violent fighting a thing of the past.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 10 Nov 2007

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2007). Jealous wife, frustrated husband. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 26, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2007/11/10/jealous-wife-frustrated-husband/