How can I talk to my husband about sex?

By Holly Counts, Psy.D.

Q: When my husband and I make love he sometimes likes to do some activities that I don’t like it because sometimes when he does it it end’s up hurting me. So how I can tell him to stop it without him being mad at me for that? I love making love to him, don’t get me wrong, I just don’t like some of the things he does (content edited). My stomach end’s up hurting too when he’s done with that. Sometimes he feel’s on my breast’s too in public and in front of children and I feel uncomfortable about that. He doesn’t care what he does in front of me or on me whether it’s out in public or not. What should I say or do to him?

A: It is time that you learn how to stand up for yourself. You are an adult and your body is your body. It is very important that you communicate clearly about what is OK and not OK for someone to do to your body. I know that talking openly about sex can be difficult for some people but it is also the best way to increase intimacy and connection. If your husband gets mad I would say that that is his problem not yours, as long as you handle it in a caring and sensitive way.

Maybe you can just have a general conversation about “how we’re doing” and then take it into the sexual area as part of the bigger discussion. Let him know what kind of things you like about your relationship and what areas you hope the two of you can work on. You can also just work on giving him more verbal direction during your love making… ask for what you want and guide him. If you just can’t do this on your own maybe you can enter couples therapy and address the issues with the help of a counselor. Good luck…and speak up.

 

 

Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 1 Nov 2007

APA Reference
Counts, H. (2007). How can I talk to my husband about sex?. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 18, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2007/11/01/how-can-i-talk-to-my-husband-about-sex/