I’m 6 months pregnant. my boyfriend and i where doing great then out of no where he takes two different girls to lunch says thats its no big deal just friends but he lied about one girl. They exchanged numbers made plans to go out but instead he took me out to dinner. He just admitted he recieved oral sex from another female but says mistake wont happpen again. I however am lost. I am having my second baby can not afford to move at this time and he knows this . I feel very trapped and depressed. I cry all day to the point that its causing me probelms with my day to day life. No energy, no willingness to do things, just very depressed however not sure whether to talk with my doctor about this for fear of over- reacting. What do you suggest?

A: He’s had oral sex with someone else and you wonder if you are over-reacting?? I don’t think so. You are 30 years old, mothering your first child, pregnant with your second, and dependent. And your boyfriend is acting out instead of partnering with you to make a safe and secure home for your children.

You didn’t say if your boyfriend is the father of your first child. If he is, he may be scared of the increased responsiilities of having two. If he isn’t, he may be even more scared about the change that being a father should make in his life. Instead of turning to you and dealing with his feelings, he is reverting to behaviors of his single days.

First things first. I’m concerned you may be getting clinically depressed. You need to see your doctor about how much of what is going on for you is from the hormonal shifts of pregnancy and how much is your circumstances. Your doctor will probably have some advice about what to do. In the meantime, you really do need to try to have a talk with your boyfriend. Accusations and anger will not get you anywhere. What might improve things is to talk to him about how you understand that this life change is scarey for everyone. Emphasize how much you love him and need him to be your partner in making a family. If the two of you need some help while you figure out how to be more supportive of each other, I hope you will both consider some couples therapy. When I searched the web, I found some very good counselors in your city.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 21 Oct 2007

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2007). 6 months pregnant and her boyfriend is cheating.. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 23, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2007/10/21/6-months-pregnant-and-her-boyfriend-is-cheating/