My husband of 2 and 1/2 years has been a codeine addict for 1 and 1/2 years now. He is always lying about everything. He says he wants to stop but he never takes action to do so and his career also prevents this from happening. (he is a police officer). He has been physically and verbally abusive with me on several occasions. I don’t know whether to leave or stay and the debt that he has created because of his problem also prevents me from leaving because I can’t afford to live on my own.
I want to help him but I don’t know how to and I’m so tired of dealing with this problem. He is a completely different person now and I don’t feel attracted to him anymore at all. He spends outrageous amounts of money each month on the problem and he has built a “close relationship” to his dealer, which is a female. She calls constantly and he puts her above me. Like if I’m on the phone with him and she calls he’ll hang up with me and talk to her. I’m confused and I don’t know what to do about any of this. I also think that he cheated on me with his previous dealer but I have no proof and he won’t admit to it. Please offer some advice….
A: Sadly, you can’t help your husband. He doesn’t want help. In fact, as long as you continue to try to cope with this situation, he can deny that there is a problem. You are only in your early 20s. You don’t give me any reason why you should stay in this situation except that you don’t have a place to go. I suggest that you call the National Domestic Violence Hotline for referrals and support: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). They can give you information about whether there is a shelter for women in your situation in your city. You would also probably find it helpful to go to Al-anon meetings to get some support and some practical help.
I hope you will take some time apart from your husband to take care of yourself and to think about your own goals for your future. You certainly deserve better than this.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 24 Sep 2007
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2007). Husband is having affair with codeine.. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 9, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2007/09/24/husband-is-having-affair-with-codeine/