My fiance and I are getting married in April. I have been with him for 2 years now and I have never seen this behavior until about 6 months ago. Everytime we argue or bicker he will throw something in the house and break stuff. He kicked down the bedroom door once and he destructs our home. I just want to know what this sounds like and if this is a sign for me to call off our wedding?
A: This must be so very disappointing and frightening. Sadly, I think you do need to put the wedding on hold. It sounds to me like your boyfriend isn’t ready for marriage but doesn’t know how to admit it to himself or share it with you. So he is acting in ways that will force you to make the decision. Do both of you a favor and make it. Let him know that you still love him and would like to make a life with him (if you do) but that you can’t do that until he figures out other ways to manage his feelings.
Acknowledge that maybe you also have some things to learn about fighting constructively. All couples disagree at times. Healthy couples find a way to be loving and supportive while they work through their disagreements. If the two of you can’t figure it out for yourselves, you might find it helpful to see a couples therapist for awhile to learn new ways to negotiate differences.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
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