From a massage therapist: My husband and I are in dire need of therapy, both individually as well as marriage counseling. We both have issues that need dealing with. He has a lifelong history of depression. I need help coping with his depression, as well as his marijuana addiction and numerous affairs, which needless to say has me a bit depressed as well. He says he won’t do marriage counseling until I get some individual counseling (he has not started any therapy yet either). I say we can certainly benefit from both of us starting individual counseling as well as marriage counseling at the same time. What say you?

A: I say it doesn’t matter who goes to therapy first. You and your husband are wasting valuable time with this argument. The person you have control of is you. Drop the fight and get yourself into therapy with someone who does both individual and couples work. Tell the therapist that you want to set the stage for couples work by coming in initially on your own. You and the therapist can then decide how best to invite your husband in.

The way I see it, the worst thing that will happen if he doesn’t join in is that you at least will get some long overdue help. You are a healer in your profession. It’s essential for you to get some healing of your own if your work is to have any integrity.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

You may also like:

Substance abuseSXSW: Online Therapy… Naked? Post-MortemWorld of PsychologyTherapists Spill: The Best Advice I’ve Received On Conducting TherapyPsych CentralBest Possible Way To React To Boyfriend's Paranoid Accusations?Chronic stealing, like it will make me feel better

Clinicians on the Couch: 10 Questions with Psychologist Deborah SeraniPsych CentralTherapy Animals: Companions or Consumption?World of PsychologyThe Media and Mental Illness: The Good, the Bad and the RidiculousPsych CentralMarried to a recovering addict

• Read more questions answered by this therapist

• No Related Post

Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 24 Aug 2007