Shy about Sex

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I got married 2 weeks ago. I am always in the mood to have sex with my husband – I crave it! I fantasize about him often, and most of my fantasizing is ME pleasing HIM sexually. Every time we have sex, he knows EXACTLY where to touch me and where to kiss me, I have no complaints about his performance.

Here is my problem: When I’m in the mood for sex, I’m too shy to tell him — I’m afraid that he won’t be in the mood and that he’ll feel obligated to please me (even though he never gives off that impression!). And when we do start to become intimate, all of a sudden I clam up and am too afraid to even touch him because I am afraid that I won’t do a good job. I was a virgin when we married and he wasn’t, so I have it in the back of my mind that he’s experienced women doing AMAZING things that I don’t know how to do. And his sexual skill intimidates me. So I’ll go to make a move — and stop myself in fear of him not being pleased. It seems like I LOVE sex up until I literally am in the act. How do I get over this??

A: Congratulations on your marriage. Your husband knows he married a virgin who has no experience except with him. For many guys this all by itself is a turn-on. Other women may have been more experienced, but you were the only one he loved enough to marry so please stop making comparisons with imaginary sex goddesses.

Since you are shy, my best suggestion to you is that you show him your letter and ask him to help you open up to him. Sex is a dance that two people learn to do together. With a little practice the two of you will have your very own way of satisfying each other sexually.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 16 Aug 2007

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2007). Shy about Sex. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 18, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2007/08/16/shy-about-sex-2/