Q: Hello, I have been living with my boyfriend for over 5 years.
He is a musician, often on the road, who smokes pot every day. He doesn’t take any other drugs, doesn’t drink much. He is very social and hard working. Why should he stop?
1- marijuana is not as bad as cigarettes,
2- he can get his stuff done although he smokes every day (both true)
3- he is not addicted because he stops for 2 weeks every time we go on a vacation,
4- thinks about eating marijuana instead of smoking it (after he decided to stop smoking) because that doesn’t hurt.
Here are my feelings:
1- I don’t like who he is when he smokes (but I will get over it according to him…),
2- it hurts me that he thinks that I don’t know what I’m talking about,
3- I am concerned about his health…
What is true, what isn’t? What can I say to make him stop?
I have had several conversations, but he hasn’t stopped, and I’m still hurting. Thank you for your help.
A: You should be concerned about your boyfriend’s health and that he is probably addicted to marijuana. I have always heard those who like to smoke it say it’s not addictive. However, if you use something every day (even if he misses 14 days out of 365) common sense alone might suggest an addiction.
I would suggest you do some more research so you can hit him with some hard facts. Check out the website below (there are many others as well) so you feel comfortable in presenting your concerns. Are there others in his life who are concerned about his use? If so maybe you can gather them together for an intervention.
The other issue is that you don’t like who he is when he smokes, and he smokes every day. Is this really the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with? He doesn’t take your concerns seriously, is not concerned about the short or long-term effects of a drug in his system, and has no plans to change his behavior. I think you need to think seriously about your future with someone unwilling to work with you on something you are concerned about. You can’t make someone go to treatment who doesn’t want to, but you can say you don’t want to be with him unless he does. I wish you luck.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 5 Aug 2007
Counts, H. (2007). What can I do about my boyfriend’s marijuana addiction?. Psych Central. Retrieved on April 16, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2007/08/05/what-can-i-do-about-my-boyfriends-marijuana-addiction/