I’m dating the son of my mom’s boyfriend.

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I met my bf in the 7th grade when no one liked me, and my mom and his dad hadnt told us they were dating yet. i really liked him and he gave me more attention than anyone else had. a year later, he told me that he had feelings for me, and wanted me to be his first kiss. i was happier than i can remember ever being. Our parents had started dating and we had been dating in secret.He helped me overcome alot of my social anxiety and depression, and i can still tell him anything. I feel closer to him than i feel to best friend of 10 years, and even my mother. Our parents found out, and seperated us from each other for almost 6 months. I got suicidally depressed again, and for the first time he started being very depressed. When we finally saw eachother again, i felt like alot of my depression had been lifted, and i still loved him for the entire time we were apart.
we started dating again, but 3 weeks later, our parents found out again, and we had a huge argument. Now i dont know when i’ll be able to see him again.
and i dont see how our parents can consider us like we’re related family, especially if i cant see him again, he doesnt live with us, we’re not blood related, and we feel so strongly for each other.
My father died in an accident. I dont see how My mom’s boyfriend can say me and his son are selfish, if he drove a man insane with depression, and took his wife. My mom also still has strong feelings for my father, and is greiving ALOT. I just dont understand why it’s so much of a problem for me to be with her boyfriend’s son, because even if some may consider it weird, but my mom cheated on my father twice, and her boyfriend once (with my father!), and no one has to know that our parents are dating too.

A: You know what? I think you’re right. There’s nothing immoral or inappropriate about dating your boyfriend. You have been interested in him for three years and you didn’t know your folks were seeing each other when you got together. You are not biologically or even legally related. Both his dad and your mom are the ones who have been inappropriate in relationships and they know it. But instead of facing what they’ve been doing and any guilt they may be feeling for your dad’s death, they are staying busy by arguing with you kids. They need to sort out their own lives.

That being said, it seems to me that you and your boyfriend have been helping each other hold things together in spite of all the instability of the grown-ups. I do have some concern that you and your bf may be attaching so strongly partly because you have been through so much together, partly because your folks keep trying to pull you apart and only partly because of love. The best part of what you wrote is that you and your boyfriend are such good friends and supports for each other. Build on the friendship, find things you genuinely like to do together, have some fun, and take your time. You are only 15. You have all the time you need to take this slow and do it right.

You want to be sure that you are developing a relationship that is grounded in friendship and caring, not in anger with your parents or fear of your own depression. I am so sorry for the loss of your father. I hope you will also take the time to grieve.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 26 Jun 2007

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2007). I’m dating the son of my mom’s boyfriend.. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 1, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2007/06/26/im-dating-the-son-of-my-moms-boyfriend/