I cook, clean, raise the kids, wash clothes, take care of the house, have sex with my husband. I am insecure at times because of my mentally abusive dad who denied me as his daughter and a previous marriage in which I was abused mentally, physically and he had numerous affairs. My present husband of 6 years, whom has a very stressful job that he tells me he feels he can not do tells me after I ask him a question about a young woman, and if she is appropriate around him says, everything else in his life is good, but I am killing him, I make him feel like he wants to die, because of me-he can’t wait to die. Said that I have done more to destroy this marriage than make it better. He said if this marriage doesn’t get better, it will have to end. This all happened 2 days ago. Tonight I told him that I didn’t want to lose him and I would never divorce him but, if I make him feel like dying…… then I will hold nothing against him if he wants to leave. Then I told him I needed to be alone. He came back in the room after about 5 min and told me-instead of making it so easy for me to leave, why don’t you work on making our marriage better. WHAT HAVE I DONE TO MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE THIS? I am so hurt…….
A: This must be terribly hard for you. I’m sorry that after all you’ve been through you find yourself hurting again. But I can’t answer your question. Only your husband can. Please be brave and ask him to explain. Then think hard about whether what he says makes sense to you. If so, then I do suggest that you two find a marriage counselor before you throw in the towel. Neither one of you really wants to end it. He wants it better. You want to hold onto him. You also have your kids to think of. That all adds up to a lot of motivation for making positive change.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 26 Jun 2007
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2007). I don’t know what I’ve done to make him want to leave.. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 9, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2007/06/26/i-dont-know-what-ive-done-to-make-him-want-to-leave/