Life is in dissarray

By Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Q. I was forced to resign from a job I loved due to a lie. I have been searching actively for employment, but feel my age has prevented me from getting the type of employment I deserve. I may lose my home, my car and here in the last week, I have been having great feelings of failure, which I’m sure carry over into job interviews. I have lost my confidence.

Then to top it all off my ex boyfriend calls and wants to have coffee out of the blue. He was a liar and was seeing at least two other women outside of me. We have not been together in three years…when I started to question him … he simply walked out and changed his phone number. I didn’t hear from him and thought I’d gotten over him. I finally agreed to have coffee and he kept bringing up sexual innuendo that made me very uncomfortable.

I am so angry with myself for keeping quiet. I feel as if I’ve lost my voice. I have two children age 20 a daughter…college student, and recently recovered from a bad auto accident that had left her in a wheelchair, but is now walking. A 15 year old son who until last year was a good student. He is a cancer survivor of twelve years. I just feel thrown away! I find myself crying often when I’m alone and my house is in such disarray.

A. I am unclear about what your exact question is but I do have a few remarks. I recognize that your life is not as you wish it to be at this juncture but this rough time in your life is likely temporary. Life is full of ebbs and flows and it is important to be prepared for both occasions.

You mentioned that you have been searching for work but feel that your employment possibilities are impeded by your age. The fact that you have not found a job could have more to with not having found the best job match and may have nothing to do with your age. I do not know this for sure, of course, since you did not mention what your profession is.

I want to also mention that while life is on a downturn for you it is important to keep in mind two facts that you offered in your letter. Your children have survived two major life incidents—one survived and is recovering from a terrible accident and the other survived cancer. Relish in these extremely fortunate life outcomes. Don’t take the good things of life for granted. You have been blessed and I’m sure that you would gladly trade all of the bad things that you have listed in your letter, for the life of just one of your children. Have faith.

Finally, I do not know if I answered your question (since I was unclear about what it was) but if you wish to write back and be more specific, I would be happy to provide you an answer. Take care.

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 25 Jun 2007

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2007). Life is in dissarray. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 21, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2007/06/25/life-is-in-dissarray/