Should I not show up at my wedding?

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

My wedding is 2 weeks away and I am so fed up with my fiance. His best man is the biggest loser and drug addict. He is nothing but trouble and I do not trust him. The kid has made me promises time and time again that if he did drugs before the wedding he would back out of the wedding. Well I’ve given him a million chances and he keeps messing up. He just spent about $6000 on drugs in 2 weeks. He said that he was going to go back into rehab and he wouldn’t be able to be in the wedding, I was so happy and relieved. But now he didn’t go back into rehab and I still don’t want him at my wedding. My parents are paying for the whole thing (Over $30,000) and why don’t I have a say in this? My finace won’t even talk to me about it. He just says that he is his best man and he will be in the wedding. I just recently found out that I am pregnant and I don’t know if it is just my hormones messing with me or what but I am very close to just not showing up to that church. Please help!!!

A: The problem here is not the best man. The problem is that you and your fiance aren’t acting like a team. Instead of figuring out together how best to handle this situation, you’ve resorted to a power-struggle with each of you making threats and neither one of you listening to the other. Weddings make a lot of people a little crazy so perhaps this is just a reflection of pre-wedding-stress. But if the two of you can’t work with each other to make a decision about the best man’s participation that you both can live with, maybe you should rethink whether you are both mature enough to get married.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 15 Jun 2007

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2007). Should I not show up at my wedding?. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 25, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2007/06/15/should-i-not-show-up-at-my-wedding/