current_problem: hello, i’ve been going out with my boyfriend for 8 months now..and well his been acting stranger then usual…you see he has mental problems..he’s always nervous and anxious and he can’t stay still for more then 2 minutes, his mind is always thinking too much…and well 2 weeks ago he tried to kill himseld by getting an over-dose of aspirins =(….and he cut himself, i don’t know what to do to help him, now he doesn’t even want to talk to me. he says he doesn’t want to hurt me but he already is doing it by acting this way, he says his mind just makes him do things and he does them..like if his mind controled him, he says he turns into a monster..and if his mind said to do again..he would =(. He has had problems in the past…his mother doesn’t really care for him…his aunt took care of him always…and he was raped when he was 8-12 by some guy…his mother dates a bunch of men…and he once saw them having sex..and well his relationship with me isn’t normal…we’re together in secret..my parents don’t let him come close cause they say he’s no good for me, the bad thing here is we had such trouble being with each other…that we tried more..and we fell in love and know its very hard for us to get away from each other, i don’t know if that information helps. i just need help for my boyfriend i don’t want to loose the person i love the most. Thankyou i hope u answer me =(
A: Please tell your boyfriend for me that he is not alone. It is a sad fact that many, many people don’t get the parenting they needed, go through terrible events, and have a hard time managing life. Fortunately, we do eventually grow up and get the chance to take charge of our own lives. Yes, he can decide to die. But he can also decide to live. With treatment and support, he can make a life for himself that is far, far better than what he experienced as a kid. It says something about his inner strength that he can even let himself love someone. That gives me reason to hope that with some treatment he might yet turn out okay.
You didn’t mention whether he is getting any help. If not , please ask him to love himself and you enough to go to the local mental health clinic. He probably needs some medication for awhile, just to help him settle down. Then he needs to commit himself to doing some solid work with a therapist. He can find names on the Therapist Locator section of this website or he can ask for a referral from his doctor.
Meanwhile, you have gotten yourself into a bind. You’ve gone behind your parents’ backs to have this relationship. Now your boyfriend is putting himself at risk and you don’t have your family’s support or help. I hope you have the kind of parents who will listen, who will forgive the deception, and who will move on. If your boyfriend doesn’t get the help he needs and goes ahead and hurts himself, you’re going to need the people who love you to be there for you and to remind you that it’s not your fault. You can’t single-handedly undo 20 years of pain that your boyfriend has experienced. He’s the one who has to decide what he wants to do with his life.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 27 May 2007
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2007). My boyfriend wants to try to kill himself.. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 9, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2007/05/27/my-boyfriend-wants-try-to-kill-himself/