Q. I’ve often thought their was something wrong with me but never figured it out. I feel empty, i’ve come to turms with that after alot of self mutilationa and searching. I think i will feel this way forever.I feel lonely although when i am around people i become very extreme as to wether i like them or not and i find it very dificult to act as i want to and not get paranoid that they hate me, hate them, or feel TOO close and they might leave. I am afraid of seperation but i isolate myself because i am afraid of social situations. I’ve pretty much given up, i don’t think i am depressed because i have been seriously depressed and was going to kill myself, i don’t feel like that now but i am searching for the cure to what’s wrong with me. I self mutilate frequently although i hate it, because i find it a way to escape and calm down. I feel i’m trying to run away constantly but i also long to be found. I really want affection but i fear being hurt. I become angry very quickly over insignificant things and find i can’t do anything but isolate myself when i feel like this for fear of doing something i’ll regret. I’m always afraid of loss. I can only think of one emotion at a time and it suffercates me. I want to be able to have some control over myself and stop being so extreme. I tend think things are either all good or all bad and was surprised when i read something about BPD not seeing the ‘gray’ because i never actaully had thought of this ‘gray’ before then.I although i see what it is now i don’t think i think i acnolage it in real situations. I think i may hae BPD but i don’t see how a diginosis would help because i’d feel ashamed and think it would give people more reason to hate me. I have no close friends and am very withdran, i feel like everybody knows someting i don’t. If this is BPD is there some form of cure or something, i really don’t want to have to live like this for much longer without a hope of some cure. I am a major perfectionist as well but i geuss that’s the ‘black and white’ thinking. I find myself being a defeatist as much as i don’t want to. I’m just too extreme and my mood swings uncontrolably. Most of the time i don’t feel real.I’m afraid of drugs or being locked away so i keep quiet about this. Please help me. Any advice will be very much apreciated.
A. I understand your fear of drugs and being locked away but as long as you keep this quiet, this is going to quietly and continually terrorize you. I strongly encourage you to make your feelings known to someone you trust, preferably an adult who has the power to help you or put you in touch with someone who can help, like a trained mental health professional. In most cases, no one is locked up for self-mutilation (unless a suicide attempt is involved) but they are offered help because the mutilation is a sign that you are not feeling well. I have heard hundreds of stories of individuals having the same problems and feelings you are having and they are helped by mental health professionals. The message here is that you are not alone and you can be helped. The longer you wait to tell someone, however, the longer you will have to suffer alone with this. Please do tell someone and get the help that you deserve, need and that is available. Take care.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 22 May 2007
Randle, K. (2007). Do I have Borderline PD?. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 20, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2007/05/22/do-i-have-borderline-pd/