I’ve been married to that guy for almost seven years now. I try my best to forget about his past but I still can’t get over it. It’s haunting me. He’s been honest with me and told me everything about it before we got married. He’s the sort of guy I can trust completely. I love him with all my heart but at the same time he’s the one I hate most. It’s killing me slowly. Our sex life is crap. I am still reminded of his past constantly. I feel guilty. I feel ashamed of myself. I kept everything to myself. None of my friends know about it. It’s ruining my life. I’m struggling. I wanted to end this relationship but didn’t have the heart to do it. What do I do? I need help. I also want to know if this is incest.

A: First, this is not incest. It may, however, be unwise. You married this man when you were only 20. I have to wonder what was going on in your life then that you would marry the man your mother was once involved with. You’ve done your best to resolve your feelings for 7 years but you are still torturing yourself about it. Worse, you are alone with your feelings of guilt and shame. If you could have figured it out by yourself, you would have done it already. Please let yourself have some support and guidance and get yourself a therapist. We therapists don’t judge. We do our best to listen compassionately, help you figure out for yourself what you need to do, and provide a little support.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 20 May 2007