Fiance emotionally cheating online

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Ok the problem is I have found several conversation of my fiancee with other women who he says are freinds. The conversations are flirty and sexual in nature.. I have confronted him about it before and he tells me that its nothing its just the way they talk to each other. I have let him know that I dont like him speakng to other women in a sexul manner. He apoligized about it and he was upset with me because i was snooping. I understand snooping isnt right but the way i see it he isnt looking out for my best interest at heart so i have to get to the bottom of things. We have has many tust issues I just feel that he is one way with me but another way with other people such as the girls that are his friends that i have never met. So last night I found conversation where he is talking to a girl that he use to go out with and the conversation is very suggestive . He comments on how he would have sex with her if he thought he wouldnt get caught. I am needless to say at a lost for words . He again states that these are just words but to me they are a thought that crossed his mind and by him letting this woman know means he is putting it out there for her her. He says he doesnt know why he does this. We are suppose to get married in september but as it stands right now im putting i off. I feel like i dont know him…i ask him if he feels something is lacking in the realationship we have what i think or thought a good realationship but im second guessing this now. How can i deal with this ? I really want him to understand that this isnt respectable behaviour . Please help me with some insight I want to deal with this the best way possible. I can live with someone who will do this to me.

A: You are right to put off the wedding. You and your fiance have some serious work to do if you are going to make a marriage that lasts. Trust is the basis of any good relationship and you don’t trust each other. You have told him how you feel. You have snooped, confronted, talked, and tried to reason with him. He sees the situation differently and doesn’t want to change. You can’t accommodate his behavior. Unless the two of you can come to some compromise that you can both truly live with over the very long haul, I don’t think you have a future together. If you can’t bear to separate, maybe a couples counselor can help you find a solution.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 20 May 2007

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2007). Fiance emotionally cheating online. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 29, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2007/05/20/fiance-emotionaly-cheating-online/