We’re both in our late 20’s and have been dating for 8 yrs now. We enjoy being with one another, he makes me laugh and I make him laugh too. But lately, I’ve been feeling very jealous. He works a lot and the only time we have together are on the weekends. But he doesn’t even want to spend that time with me. All he ever wants to do is hang out with his friends, and when I get mad at him, he thinks I’m being “crazy”,unreasonable, and can’t understand me. I’ve been getting mad pretty frequently lately. And I’m sick and tired of being mad. He thinks the part of the problem is me not wanting to hang out with his friends. Am I really being crazy? What can I do?
A: I think you are asking the wrong question. More to the point is this: Why can’t two people who love each other and who have been together for 8 years figure out how to make both people happy on the weekends? You’ve been together quite a long time. My guess is that there is a natural push to either make a permanent commitment or move on. The issue around his friends is only the topic around which this much more important issue is being worked out. If you two can’t work out something so you are both reasonably happy with how you spend your free time, it raises the question of how you will work out a life together. You may have very different pictures in your heads of what adult life should be. I hope you both have the courage to talk about this directly instead of fighting about his friends. It’s a very important conversation.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
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