Q: I have been experiencing some anxiety lately. At times I feel lost, alone, bored, I don’t know what to do, where to turn, I have trouble openly expressing myself. Yesterday I cried for about 2 hours to myself yelling and calling for help. I was alone at home with no-one to hear me (but I think the neighbours heard because the cops drove past about an hour later). I want this pain to go away and for me to be able to be a normal person who can interact with others.
In January this year I met the girl of my dreams. She has a 3 yr old girl which takes a lot of her time. I have never met anyone like this girl and I am in love with her (I will call her ZZ). ZZ has said she loves me, can see a future and I make her insecurities disappear when I am with her. When I am with ZZ she makes me feel special, unique and amazing. I feel so comfortable when I am with ZZ. I want to be with her so bad that I am always smothering her. I don’t have any close friends close by that I can spend time with. I hate to see her upset with me. Today she said that she does not care and does not want to know me. I can’t stand to lose ZZ. She treats me so well. I can’t get ZZ out of my head. She means the world to me, and her daughter is fantastic with me. ZZ had a breakdown from her work about 6 years ago and she is on a few meds. I don’t know if the meds are having a bad affect on her. I don’t want to ask her that in case I am wrong and ruin things more with her.
I want to give ZZ space and time but I don’t know how to do it. I have never been in a serious relationship and I don’t want to lose ZZ out of my life. WHAT CAN I DO? PLEASE HELP ME.
A: I think you need to continue working on giving your girlfriend the space she needs or you will most likely damage the relationship and push her further away. You must find ways to make friends in your area and pursue hobbies and interests to make yourself happy. I know it sounds cliché but you must first be comfortable and happy with yourself before you can really be a good partner to someone else. It sounds like you could benefit from therapy based on the way you say you have been feeling lately. Talking to a professional can help you feel better about yourself but could also help you navigate the best way to handle the relationship issues. I can’t tell you if the fact that she had a breakdown and is taking meds has anything to do with her saying she doesn’t want to see you. What I do know is that you have to respect her wishes, regardless of how you feel. If things ultimately don’t work out for her try to focus on the fact that you did fall in love and you can again. Learn from the experience and move on. I hope you start feeling better soon. Good luck.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 5 May 2007
Counts, H. (2007). I am feeling lost, have no friends, feel alone, headaches, sleeping problem.. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 12, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2007/05/05/i-am-feeling-lost-have-no-friends-feel-alone-headaches-sleeping-problem/