Q. My brother passed away almost 12 years ago. However, to this day I still have dreams to events related to his death. Also, I feel upset and find myself crying when I talk about him. I feel cheated and mad at life and God for taking him away from me. At some point I thought I had come to terms with this issue, but I have not; I just want to know what type of therapy would be more useful to me. I want to remember him without so much anger and pain and I know this has been affecting my personal life too. I have a hard time trusting people and establishing healthy romantic relationships. Thank you for all the help you can offer.
A. I do not think there is a kind of therapy that would best help you with this issue per say. You should call around to different therapists, maybe 10-20, and talk to them over the phone about this issue. The one that you find to be the most helpful and sincere over the phone would be therapist best for you.
I find it positive that you are seeking out ways to heal your loss. Maybe now you are ready to come to grips with his loss and do it in a healthy way. I do not deny that your anger is justified but it prohibits you, as you are coming to recognize, from truly honoring your brother’s time on earth. Your anger is hurting you tremendously. It is important to be grateful for the many times you shared with your brother. Perhaps after attending therapy and removing your anger about his death, you finally be able to embrace and cherish the goodness that your brother shed in your life, and still does through dreams and memories. He may be physically gone but his spirit is still seems alive and well in your life. I wish you the best of luck.
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