Q. My friend and I have been seeing each other for a couple of months now and she lives common law with someone else and she will not leave him. He tells her that he doesn’t want to see her anymore and then he sucks her back in with sweet talk, this guy even left bruises on her and all of her friends told her to leave him and she refuses to do so. The other guy is seriously mentaly hurting her and she doesn’t see that. She tells me that she loves me, but she doesn’t want to leave the other guy. What am I suppose to do? its tearing me appart and I get blamed for it and then I fell like there is no hope in living every time we have a fight.
A. There are no easy answers to this problem. Your friend is cheating on her husband (that is what he would be considered legally) with you and is not willing to leave him for you, despite his potential abuse. Two things concern me about this situation. One is that this secret has been going on for months and it does not seem that she is willing to leave him for you. Second, she is involved with a man who may be abusing her, and she is still not willing to, or able to leave him for you. My advice to you is move on. I recognize that this would not be easy. You must ask yourself why are you willing to be involved with a woman who is married and living with someone else and who is not able or willing to leave her husband for you. This should not be an acceptable relationship for you. I also believe that the woman you are dating may not be healthy enough for a mature relationship, not until she gets help herself and can remove herself from her current abusive situation. If you are having trouble seeing why this relationship is unhealthy for you, perhaps you should see a therapist for further explanation, support and guidance.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 30 Apr 2007
Randle, K. (2007). How to get out of a love triangle?. Psych Central. Retrieved on January 30, 2015, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2007/04/30/how-to-get-out-of-a-love-triangle/