I have recently started dating an althletic, seemingly very healthy 20 year old. He does not have trouble getting an erection in his sleep or during foreplay, but both times we started having intercourse, he lost his erection. I’m curious about why and what he/I/we can do. I’m not dissapointed or frustrated and I really like him, I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do because I’ve never been in this situation. I’d also like advice on how I should respond to make him feel most comfortable and what I can do to move past this roadblock. Tahnk you.

A: You are newly in a relationship. My guess is that in the anxiety to impress, your guy is putting too much stress on himself. By worrying about it, you are inadvertently only adding to the stress. Ironically, it may be precisely because this relationship has potential that you are having difficulty having sex. The relationship matters to you both. My best suggestion is that you stop focussing on intercourse and slow down. Play with each other. Explore each other’s bodies and learn what makes each other feel good. Let yourselves enjoy body rubs and stroking and just cuddling and being close. Let the sexual part of your relationship evolve naturally. You have plenty of time.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 27 Apr 2007

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2007). What Should I do when Boyfriend Loses Erection?. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 2, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2007/04/27/what-should-i-do-when-boyfriend-loses-erection/