I had a relationship with this guy for 4 months and I got pregnant. 3 months into my pregnancy I broke up with him or I should say tried. My daughter is now 6 months old and he still won’t accept that we will never get back together. I’ve read the book Obsessive Love by Susan Forward Ph.D and all the signs are there but she doesn’t cover what I should do when there is a 6 month old child involved that he knows is my world and I’m not sure to what extent he may use her. Help!

A: The trouble with trying to separate from someone with whom you have a child is that you can never really separate. He does have rights as a father. Every important event and milestone in the child’s life will involve both of you. I can’t tell from your letter whether this man is pursuing you in order to make a family for the child or if he is just trying to make you miserable because you broke up with him. Whatever the case, I think you need a lawyer more than you need a psychologist. You need to make a clear agreement with him about how the two of you are going to provide for your child financially and emotionally and how you are going to share in raising her. Whether or not you are a couple, you are still both her parents and, unless one of you is abusive or negligent, she deserves to have both of you in her life.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Mom Is Taking Over My Life

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 27 Apr 2007