How do I deal with the grief of my precious son?
Q: My boy died nov 14th, gun accident! He was a firefighter, 27 years old, preparing to marry, just bought a house. He was my BABY. My life is over. I go to a therapist and a grief group. Doesn’t help. I am SOOOOOOOOOO mad at God. I was a Good Christian woman and he took my most precious baby boy. I truly want to die. I cry everyday, plan ways to kill myself, THIS IS PRIVATE! I want to be with him. I cannot go on. My life is over. He was a perfect son, we were very close. He was going to take care of me when I got old. I have no one. My husband is getting over it slowly, I cannot. He was my whole life! What can I do? I cannot pray to God when he could have saved my baby!
A: I’ve heard that losing a child is one of the hardest losses to get over so you are not alone. You always think you will go before your children and when it happens the other direction we are thrown into a confusing situation. We don’t generally have other life experiences to draw upon in a situation like this. I’m glad you have a therapist and are going to the grief group. Some cities even have special groups for parents who have lost children. You are doing all the right things. It may also help to do some journaling as another outlet for your feelings. Have you talked to your pastor or minister? Many people struggle with their belief in God after a significant loss. Questioning faith is a normal phase of the grief process for many and I hope you work through this so that you can eventually draw upon your spirituality to help you. I think it’s just something that will take time. You may investigate some books on loss and grief to help you through this difficult time. Taking your own life is not the answer. If you and your son were as close as you describe, he would not want you to be suffering this badly. He would want you to find a way through this and enjoy the rest of your life. Your family has already been through a significant loss, it can’t bear another one. Another thing that can help is to turn your pain into advocacy. You mention that he was a firefighter. Maybe you can do something with the fire department to create a lasting memory of him or find some other way to create a positive impact from a very negative event. I am deeply sorry for your loss and I hope you feel some relief soon.
Counts, H. (2007). How do I deal with the grief of my precious son?. Psych Central. Retrieved on April 18, 2015, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2007/04/15/how-do-i-deal-with-the-grief-of-my-precious-son/