My husband spies on me.

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Does marriage mean you have zero privacy? We have been married for 7 years. I first found out he spies on me after our first year of marriage. He looks on the computer to see every place I visit on the web etc. He continues to do this and I do not feel it is fair that he invades my privacy. He has gone so far to say that he finds it strange I have a password on my email account?? I had email before I married him so by marrying him I no longer have my own email account? To my knowledge most everyone married or not has their own? This invasion has made me feel like a prisoner almost because it goes beyond that. If I don’t answer my cell phone all everytime he has called I get questioned… What does this mean?

A: What it means is that your husband has serious issues around trust. I don’t know what has made him so fearful of abandonment. I do know that the very things he is doing to keep you close are putting distance between you. Of course you have a right to some privacy and some personal space. But if you are fighting about that, you won’t get anywhere. The two of you need to deal directly with how to give him the reassurance he needs while still acknowledging that you are each separate people as well as partners.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 9 Mar 2007

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2007). My husband spies on me.. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 26, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2007/03/09/my-husband-spies-on-me/