From an eighth grader: I’ve been feeling pressure building inside me sometimes, my stomach muscles tighten and I stop breathing when i get angry, and usually about stupid things…. like if my mom takes something of mine ect. And i feel as if i want to scream as loud as i can, or break something. But i’ve also been looking at websites trying to figure out why i feel this way, thinking it was possibly anxiety, because i’ve been having bad headaches and back aches. And ontop of everything else, i’ve been feeling sad, tired, and just unmotivated. My parents got divorced 6 years ago, my dad has a girlfriend and lives in a diffrent town, my mom yells at me all the time about things i can’t control. And I just dont know if im just sad and theres no reason for it, or if i have an actual condition. I cry about random stuff, and get frustrated very easily. Whats wrong? and if there is something wrong, like depression or something, how do i tell my parents that i want to see a doctor. Because when i went into my doctor about my headache, they asked me if everthing was alright, and if i was sad or not, and i thought to myself about my homelife, and about how i use to cut, and i was going to answer truthfully, BUT my mom answered for me and told my doctor there was nothing wrong. It seems as if she can’t grasp the fact that i might just not be as OK as she thinks i am. I mean, i get awesome grades and school, and i don’t let my sadness affect me, atleast i try not too. So how would i ever tell my mom?
A: Mothers often don’t see that something is wrong, partly because we don’t want to think that something is seriously wrong with the child we love and partly because our children try to protect us by keeping up appearances (like getting good grades in spite of it all) and by not telling us just how bad it is. I think you could use some professional help right now. One place to start is for you to make a phone call to your doctor’s office yourself and ask if there is a way for you to talk with an advice nurse or with the doctor. Tell that person that you are feeling anxious and depressed and that you would like help telling your mother what is going on with you. Your mother needs to know and your doctor needs to know. If they don’t know, they can’t help you. When you do get to the appointment, you need to be a little more assertive. If your mother answers for you, politely remind her that you are a teen now and that you need to answer for yourself. That’s part of growing up. If you are too shy to call the doctor’s office yourself, think of an adult you can turn to to help you. You could show her or him this column and then ask for some help talking with your mother. Please follow through. You’ve been dealing with this on your own long enough.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 9 Mar 2007
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2007). I’ve been sad, unmotivated, achy, and angry, whats wrong with me?. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 11, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2007/03/09/ive-been-sad-unmotivated-achy-and-angry-whats-wrong-with-me/