Q: I have been dating my boyfriend for about one year. It is a long distance relationship and I told him he can be with others, he just needs to be honest with me, particularly when it comes to sexual health concerns. Recently I found a condom wrapper in his car. He is adamant that he didn’t have sex with anyone else. I find this hard to believe and now feel I can’t trust him. I’m angry that I agreed to such openness and he couldn’t even be straight up with me. I want to keep him as a friend because I really like him as a person but can’t be sexual with someone I can’t trust. He says forget the friendship because if I can’t believe him and trust him he doesn’t want to see me at all. He’s hurt that I don’t believe him. I don’t want to lose such a great friend but it doesn’t feel right to sweep this under the rug either. He’s also mad that I ran out of the bar we were in (after finding the wrapper) without saying goodbye to his friends. I felt I had to leave - didn’t like the way I was feeling and just wanted to be alone. It’s very important to him to be seen in the best possible light by his friends- to be trusted and adored by them. I think he doesn’t want to see himself as a person who would cheat or hurt others in any way. Please help. All advice is appreciated.
A: I wish I knew what excuse he gave for the condom wrapper being in his car. Did he loan his car out, could it have been used with you, etc. If he doesn’t have a good explanation that is believable, then I wouldn’t believe him. It’s tough sometimes to know where to draw the line if you have agreed to have an on open relationship. I have witnessed many people get hurt in these situations. My best advice is to follow your gut instincts on this one and do what you have to do. It would be better to break it off now than to continue to invest and risk being hurt again. If he doesn’t want to be friends, then good riddance. Good luck with your decision.
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