I have been married for 7 years, and with my husbnd for 11 years. The past 6 years have been complete hell. The night my son was born, he went out and did not come home until the next day. I have an idea that he was with another woman. He had a group of friends, one whom is a professional footballer. He started going to exclusive place with him and I had a phone call from his wife telling me he had cheated on me. As time has passed, he has been going abroad on stag weeks etc and any other function he can get on. He loves our children and helps out a lot. He does not stop moaning at me when i get home from my 12 hours working day, saying im lazy fat and ugly etc. he has been rough with me in the past and hurts me, which has stopped recently as i threatened to leave. This morning he woke up and slagged off my clothes, said i hadnt brished my teeth (which i did) and started picking on me in front of the kids. He then told me that he is going away to tenerife in 3 weeks. I asked him ages ago not to book this, and he did anyway without telling me. He has been paying it for the past year. Everytime he goes out or away something happens with another woman, for instance, he went to Spain in october and had messages from a young girl there who was looking for him at 3.0am. What for? When i confronted him he said it was nothing and that he wouldnt leave me and the kids anymore. Why did he do this to me. His parents came round this morning and said they would talk to him, but i think its time i left. Deep in my heart i know that its best fpr me and the kids to leave, but its so hard. I have always been dedictaed to my home and family. I never imagined my life would turn out like this. I am not ugly or nasty so why is he putting me though this.
A: It doesn’t matter why he is putting you through this. What matters is that he is doing it. It’s clear that it has nothing to do with you. From what you say, he creates reasons why you are to blame for his choices (like going away for 3 weeks). I don’t know why it’s taken you 6 of your 7 years of marriage to get it that this man isn’t going to change and isn’t going to be the husband or the father that you and the children deserve. I can only guess that you have been so committed to your idea of what family life should be that it has blinded you to your own reality. I think it’s a little late for his parents to offer to be helpful. Where have they been for the last 6 years? Hopefully, they will give you some support while you cut loose from their irresponsible and philadering son. You deserve to find a man who will cherish you and who will be a positive role model for your children.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 25 Feb 2007
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2007). Six out of Seven Years of Marriage have been Hell.. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 26, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2007/02/25/six-out-of-seven-years-of-marriage-have-been-hell/