I am the mother of a 14 year old girl who seems to have no values whatsoever and is very shallow. From what I am reading I think she may have a histrionic personality disorder. I recently found out that she made out with a guy and a girl (at the same time)at a party she went to. She purposely tried to mislead me by telling me how boring the party was when she got home. We have caught her making slash marks on her abdomen with a disposable razor, sneaking out of the house to meet her boyfriend who she had oral sex with, making out with a kid in her class in front of the class, and flashing people her breasts and butt. She seems to have no moral stoplight and I am worried and embarrassed by her behavior. She also seems to have trouble keeping friendships long term. I have tried talking to her about this behavior but she doesn’t seem to be truly sorry about it or even admit that there’s anything wrong with it. I’m afraid that she will be ostrasized by her peers by acting like this, not to mention the troubles that come with being promiscuous. We have already had prank phone calls to the house calling her a whore and a slut. It hurts me to know what she is doing to herself and I am getting depressed thinking about her future and that I have failed as a parent. I plan on getting her into counseling as soon as I get health insurance but in the mean time any advice you can give is much appreciated.
A: The only clue I have from your letter is that your daughter hasn’t figured out how to maintain friendships. Sometimes teens act out sexually as a desperate attempt to attract attention from peers. It may be risky. It may make enormous trouble for her. But, from her point of view, at least she isn’t ignored. It’s also possible that she is trying to tell you something. Some kids start to behave this way because they have been sexually assaulted and are too scared, embarrassed, or ashamed to talk about it. And sometimes sexual promiscuity is a test of parental love. The teen is trying to see if you will stick by her no matter what. I don’t know if any of these possibilities fit but before assigning a diagnosis of a personality disorder, it’s important to have other explanations checked out. Whatever the reason, your daughter is in some kind of emotional trouble. Please talk to your doctor or the school guidance department about whether there is any local agency or psychotherapy office that provides counseling either free or on a sliding fee scale. Your daughter’s safety and psychological welfare are too important to wait for health insurance.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
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