I have been married for over a year now, and am still as of yet unable to have intercourse with my husband. I was molested around the age of 4 or 5 by a cousin who was a bit older than me. My father has also struggled with alcoholism for the entire length of my life and has caused us many hardships. I mention this because I think those 2 things as well as other situations have given me perhaps a negative view of men and sex in general. I do love my husband and I would love to have this problem fixed because I feel as though I am an incapable wife when it comes to pleasing him sexually. I cannot afford a therapist and no one around me seems to understand the situation enough to help me and I don’t know who else to go to. Is there perhaps any guidance you can give me relating to this problem and tips on how to relax or maybe which books to read?
A: Your husband must love you tremendously to be willing to wait this long for you to get comfortable. You must also love him tremendously for being willing to finally deal with painful memories. Being molested so young could of course make it hard for you to be open to a sexual relationship. There are many good books about how to recover from sexual abuse. Browse in the psychology section of your local book store. Please also talk to your doctor about whether there is a women’s center or an agency near you that offers free or low cost help to women. I have a guess that what you really need is to talk things through with a compassionate, understanding professional to put the past where it belongs – in the past. You and your husband deserve to have the intimacy and closeness of a fully sexual relationship.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 18 Feb 2007
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2007). I’m unable to have intercourse with my husband.. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 10, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2007/02/18/im-unable-to-have-intercourse-with-my-husband/