Q: Hello..Well ive been dating my girlfirned for awhile know..Shes great ,funny..Fun to be around and all..Just the one problem …She suffers these mood swings once and awhile..But it is towards me for some reason..and we tend to fight..and i try to help her out..but theres no go.Its like she clicks into this mood in matter of seconds..She will be mad at everything but won’t say anything to me…And when i try to ask something she gets angry..and the arguing tends to start….But when her friends do..She’s all happy…When i did have a chance to talk to her, she said she doesn’t know why this happens..And she feels like if she does go angry..all the pains in the relationship won’t hurt..and she puts it all on me..And she stated in that way where she gets angry she won’t feel any pain after….I don’t know what to do or help when she is in this mood..Cause i feel that is the only way to fix it. It’s almost like when we’re both alone everything is good..But when friends come along..She completely ignores me…I feel awful..Cause i hate seeing her like this and i really want to help her…..I am not sure what to do to get her out of these moods…And i hope the advice you give me will work..thank you very much

Q: I have a guess that your girlfriend does like you but she isn’t sure that she wants to be in a relationship at all and doesn’t know how to cool things down a bit. She seems to be struggling with how to balance having fun with her girlfriends and being in a relationship too. Her “moods” are specific to you and result in her pushing you away. I really can’t tell if it’s personal. I’m not sure if there is something about you that is a problem for her or whether she would find any relationship with a guy too limiting right now. It doesn’t look to me like she is having an internal problem. The problem seems to be something that is between the two of you.

The only suggestion I can make is that you talk to her when you not feeling angry or hurt about whether she needs more space. Does she find you too demanding? Does your relationship allow her enough time to maintain her friendships with her circle of girlfriends? Is she really wanting out of the relationship but can’t bring herself to hurt you? Does she want you as a friend but not as a boyfriend? As hard as a conversation like this can be, it can also free things up so that people can be more understanding and friendly. Sometimes backing up to friendship is the best thing to do. If things evolve from there, great. But even if they don’t, at least you haven’t lost a good friend.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 14 Feb 2007

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2007). My Girlfirend Suffers Angry Mood Chnages Only Towards me. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 22, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2007/02/14/my-girlfirend-suffers-angry-mood-chnages-only-towards-me/