Q: From a teen age girl: I’ve been together with my boyfriend for eleven months now and I’ve noticed that my social life has pretty much gone down the drain in this past year or so. I love my boyfriend so much but I don’t want to lose my friends either.. Everyday at lunch I feel like I’m losing my friends. I still sit with them at a table but I feel like they’re so much closer to each other and I’m the odd one out. I really don’t know what to do. Please help me?
A: If your girlfriends aren’t dating, they are spending time with each other that you are spending with your boyfriend. That means that you are missing out on some of what’s going on with the girls. Meanwhile, they aren’t having the experience of dating someone to talk about with you. It puts you out of sync but it doesn’t have to put you out of the group. As the girls in your clique find and break up with romantic relationships, they are all going to have to figure out how to give the special guy (or girl) attention and yet not neglect important girl friendships.
A good relationship has room in it for both people to still do things that are important to them and to see their own friends. Evaluate whether you are managing a good balance of couple time and friend time. If not, it’s time for a heart to heart with your boyfriend about being secure enough to be separate now and then. When the girls are all together, you could talk with them about how hard it is to keep things in balance. See what they think everyone should do to both support each other’s experiences with dating and yet keep the friendships with each other going strong. You may be the one having difficulty now but it’s likely that everyone will eventually have a turn.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
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