Q. I have 2 very close friends. One has accused other of bizzare/crimminal acts.I have 2 very close friends that my husband and I simply adore. we are christians and have regular fellowship in our home every tues. evening. All is ok for 1 year and all love the Lord and love to fellowship together. Out of the blue after fellowship one eve. our friend had confided to my husband and I that he believes he was sexually assulted by the other friend (both are men)over the weekend. He claims he woke up in the middle of the night and didn’t feel right. More accusations followed thru the week like child pedophile and etc. Supposedly the accuser has found all this info after research his background on internet. Personally I have found nothing. My friend is 100% innocent of all and I am confused on why my friend would accuse of such things. I have found nothing to back up accusations. The accussor seems to be paraniod when I ask him where he gets this info researched and I am denied of info. The accuser has asked my husband and I to not be in contact with the accused any more. The (so called victim)the accuser’s actions so far does’nt make sence. I believe something is not right and think maybe there might be a psychological disorder of some kind. To acuse some one of such a violent crime and not act accordinly or even act without any kind of response boggles my mind and has divided our little fellowship group. I miss my friend and I do contact him without The accuser’s knowledge. My friend is shocked and most of all heart broken that he can be accused of such ugly things. He is concerned as well that there might be a disorder to. It’s the only thing that makes sence. And now my concern is that this freind regularly visits and stays a night or two at my home. I do wish to help him if he is sick. Maybe profiling a couple possibilities might shed some light. P.S. I personally can understand what it’s like to be a victim and again the actions and response of the accuser isn’t adding up. Can you give possible explanations of this type of behavior?

A. This is a very complex situation with no easy answers. It is possible that the accuser was abused by this man but it is equally possible the abuse did not occur and nothing happened. The truth of the matter is that you cannot be sure what has happened. The question now becomes, why is your friend making these accusations? Let’s look at a few of the very many possibilities.

I will start with the possibility that the accuser is lying about the event. Maybe the accuser made a pass at your friend and that pass was rejected. He is now feeling guilty and is lying to make himself appear to be innocent. In retaliation for the rejection, the accuser alleged that he was touched inappropriately.

Looking at the other side of the story, maybe the accused is guilty of making an unwanted gesture towards your friend. In this situation, your friend felt truly violated by the gesture. Having been violated or abused, your friend felt embarrassed and confused. Feeling embarrassed and confused, your friend was unsure about how to handle this matter and this could help explain why your friend chose not to officially report this matter. We also know that your friend reported the abuse to you and your husband. After seeing the reaction by you and your husband, which, based on your e-mail, was one of disbelief perhaps he came to the conclusion that few would believe his story. It is not unusual for individuals who have been abused to keep such disturbing events a secret. It would also make sense that he would not want to make his story public after he tried and found that he was not believed. Without knowing either party, it is difficult for me to know what the true story is.

The accuser, of course, could be delusional. It is common for a delusion to begin the way you have described “claims he woke up in the middle of the night and didn’t feel right.”

Notice, he didn’t remember sexual advances, he just didn’t feel right. Over the week, he came up with more and more information, according to your text. With the passage of time, he may actually come to remember vivid details of the “event” and other clear memories of prior events. This is how a full blown delusion develops, slowly, with the creation of more and more detail. I hoped that I have helped answer you question. Please write again if you have any more questions.

You may also like:

Friend Hears Commanding VoiceGetting Even Is CounterproductivePsych Central NewsPositive Activities Help to Relieve DepressionPsych Central NewsDenying One's Desires Tied to HomophobiaPsych Central NewsWas this rape?The Media and Mental Illness: The Good, the Bad and the RidiculousPsych CentralHas my girlfriend lost interest in me?

My boyfriend verbally abuses meDomestic Abuse by Women Can Cause PTSD in MenPsych Central News

• Read more questions answered by this therapist

• No Related Post

Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 10 Feb 2007