Son is peaking at sister undressing

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Q: I have caught my 14 year old son peaking at his sister and me undressing. Is this normal behavior? Quite concerned. He is on the aspergers spectrum, has very few friends and trouble with kids at school making fun of him.

A: There are two problems: Sexual curiosity is normal in a 14 year old boy. Inappropriate boundaries is typical of a kid with aspergers. I’m sorry he is having trouble making friends. His social awkwardness and the same lack of boundaries are probably making it hard for him to get along with peers.
Our job as parents is to give our kids the information and skills they need to be launched into the world. If you haven’t done so already, please provide your son with good, accurate information about sexuality. Peaking at women can get him into serious trouble. He needs other ways to satisfy his curiosity. There are a number of good books on the market to help you with this. I’ve found “It’s Perfectly Normal” by Robie H. Harris and Michael Emberley to be particularly helpful with young teens. You didn’t mention the boy’s father. If he is in the boy’s life, this might be a role for his Dad.
It is also very, very important for him to be taught to recognize other’s personal boundaries and to respect others’ privacy. At a time when you are not angry, have a talk with him about what is and is not socially acceptable. Often people with Aspergers are not able to understand this on an intuitive level. None the less, they can be taught that there are certain social “rules” that have to be honored, whether or not it makes intuitive sense to them. Role playing or talking about possible scenarios are good ways to practice using the rules. Jessica Knightly Publishers distributes a series of excellent books on Aspergers that you might find helpful.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 6 Feb 2007

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2007). Son is peaking at sister undressing. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 20, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2007/02/06/son-is-peaking-at-sister-undressing/