Q: I am a long time member of Overeaters Anonymous. A sponsee of mine moved far away and calls me every night crying about how lonely she is. She is bulimic and has gone to rehab a few times in the past, but is not bingeing or purging now. She is 22 and living at college now, taking 2 or 3 “easy” classes. She has a therapist and medical doctor and attends many OA meetings. She is unable to make friends and is constantly upset about it. She does not always take care of her personal hygiene and resents anyone who tries to give her advice or who has friends or a boyfriend. She has tried to get people to spend time with her by driving them places, paying for their food and even lending them her car! Is there any way I can help her? Thank you for any advice you can offer.
A: Unfortunately I don’t have much advice to offer. It sounds like you are doing all you can and that she has help in place. It may be that she has deeper issues than the eating disorder. She could have a personality disorder or a more serious mental health condition that hasn’t fully appeared yet or has not been diagnosed. Offer all the help and support you are comfortable offering but the rest is up to her. We can never really help others unless they are willing to help themselves. I also suggest being careful about overextending and not letting your concern turn to worry. I hope that with time your friend will make some friends but I also hope she learns how to be her own best friend.
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