Q: I am 13 years old soon to be 14. I was taken away from my mother because of drug and abuse problems. I live with my god mom and every day i hurt. I just don’t know what is wrong with me. My mom has gone to rehab and is pretty good. I mean I see her every couple weeks and we have fun together. i have two brothers and my dad was an alcoholic for a long time. My mom is bipolar and has depression. i love my mom and dad very much. what i need help with is that everyday i think about killing myself. i have attempted multiple times. i cut my wrists because it makes me feel better for a split second. my friends don’t know this side of me. they think that i am happy but the truth is i never am. i never feel happy. in my journal that i have i write everything that i feel and if somebody read it, i don’t even know what would happen. i go to a counselor every week but she has no idea. i cant tell people. i have wanted to but just can’t. why should they care and why should they help? i don’t know what is wrong with me so how can they tell me? i need advice. how do i get the help that i need without people saying that i am just saying this for attention. when i swallowed half a bottle of tylenol and when i tied the blanket around my neck i didn’t want attention i wanted to die. i want to die.
A: I am so sorry you have had so much hardship in your life to deal with. It’s a heavy load for anyone, especially someone your age. The reason you hurt so bad inside could be because of everything that you have been through but you may also have inherited a tendency for depression. Please promise me that you will talk to your counselor about how you really feel and tell her that you have already tried to kill yourself. You may even just start by asking her to read your journal. I’m sure she cares about you because you are a wonderful person, but you also should understand that it is her job to care. She is a counselor because she cares about people enough to find a career that she can help people every day. This may sound scary but if you really feel like killing yourself again, you may be helped best by going to a hospital for a few days. Most hospitals that work with kids and teens are full of counselors, nurses and doctors who really care about you and will do everything they can to help. That way you could get a break from the stress of the real world and be in a safe place to really get out all your feelings. The bottom line is that you have to stop trying to handle all this on your own. You need to start reaching out and letting the people who love you (like your family and friends) help you feel better. I hope you will do what I have asked here so you can start enjoying life again. You deserve to be happy!
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 30 Dec 2006
Counts, H. (2006). I want help but can’t tell anyone what’s wrong with me.. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 9, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2006/12/30/i-want-help-but-cant-tell-anyone-whats-wrong-with-me/