Q. I have suffered from depression for years. I went to the doctor after my son was born and was diagnosed with Post Natal Depression. they said I would be able to get counselling but I would have to wait 12 months. at the time this seemed so far away i told them to forget it. they gave me anti depressants but they just made me feel worse so now 4 years later i still haven’t had any help dealing with it. I have a full time job and manage to cope okay with my son and keeping our house clean and tidy, and no one knows how I am feeling. i have tried to tell my partner but he just gets annoyed with me when I get upset or angry. I feel so cut up in side and there is a lot of anger that I just can’t cope with. I can’t stress enough that no one really knows about it, I come across as a very happy bubbly perosn no one would think I’m depressed. And it’s not that I deliberately put on this facade it’s just how i come across. Maybe that’s why the doctor didn’t take me seriously. I don’t want to put on a sad face and ruffle my hair up to go to the doctors because that’s not really me. I’m just so confused and don’t know how to get out of this situation. I haven’t hard the hardest life but it has been quite a rollercoaster, I witnessed my dad beating my mum, then when mum left him she suffered a breakdown, I was homeless when i was sixteen, fell pregnant at eighteen, found out a few months ago that my brother has been dealing drugs then two weeks later my grampa died. Now mum is going down again and I’m having to look after her and my gran and my son, there just isn’t anyone to look after me. I don’t want an easy life, I don’t want to appear selfish, I just wish i could cut a break.
A. I am sorry for all that you have been experiencing. While you cannot control all of these hardships in your life, you can control whether or not you get help. If you feel that you need help then you have to go and get it. You are not being selfish for wanting to taking care of yourself. As cliché or overly simplistic as this next sentence sounds it is true: only you can take care of yourself. I think that you realized this when you said that “there just isn’t anyone to look after me.” You are right, only you can care for you and from your own admission; you have not been caring for you. Your task is to get the help that you need for your depression. Take a break and care for yourself. If you do not, you will burn yourself out. Be honest with your therapist. There is no need to be bright and bubbly, friendly and light hearted. Your therapist is there as a professional to help you with your problems. You must be very direct and open. Immediately list the problems and symptoms that you are experiencing to your therapist. Get the help that you know you need and do it as soon as you can. Take care.
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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 24 Dec 2006
