Girl Issue

By Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Q. I am crazy about this girl that I have dated once. Before dating her I had been best friends with her, she was one of the very few people that I had the trust to open myself up to. Once we decided to try a casual dates things were great. The date felt more natural then any others and I truly believe that they were meant to be. Recently, she has started talking to someother guy that she had stopped talking to for a few months and she has started ignoring me. She will walk right past me when I go to say something to her, or in the halls she will run away. She says that he has been her best friend for a really long time, but honestly I’m starting to feel threatened. I’ve brought up why she is ignoring me to her and she says that she isn’t and she apologized. I feel though that she is and that I’m nothing to her anymore. I had put so much out there for her, from phonecalls at 4 in the morning to travelling hours to go and see her. I was there when she needed me most and now I feel like she has gotten rid of all of that. I really am unsure about what I’m to do about all this, judging from my other relationships I’ve had this one has felt the most natural and most enjoyable. She says she doesn’t like the other guy, but just from watching her around him I can tell she does. What can I do?

A. You are probably right that she likes her “best friend.” Chances are that if they are not already dating, that they will be soon. There is a high probability that they probably like each other and flirt with each other when they are together. I know that you like her and found this relationship to be very enjoyable but sadly she has evidently moved on and made her choice. The choice was not you. She apparently chose her “best friend.” This may not be easy for you to realize and may be painful for you to hear since you are so fond of her. The facts are that she has made her choice and there is nothing that you can do about her choice. You should not want to keep putting energy into trying to win her back if she has made her choice (and she has if she is ignoring you). I realize this is not going to be a simple task but my advice is to put your energy into finding another girl who wants you and welcomes your time, effort and caring. You sound like a very nice person and this is good since there are PLENTY of girls out there who would love to meet a guy like you. I know this is easier said then done, but it is time to move on and find someone more deserving of your attention. I hope this makes sense to you. Take care and write again if you have any more questions.

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 11 Dec 2006

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2006). Girl Issue. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 31, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2006/12/11/girl-issue/

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