Q: I’ve always been slightly depressed. Growing up I was never really allowed to go out with friends. I would only really see them at school. I was very socially challenged. I was too shy and awkward. I still am. In high school though I met someone and I am now dating him for the last three years. I am Chinese and he is white and it is a problem with my family so that he can’t really meet them we can’t go to my house and it is just a sore subject. Also I was a homebody before I met him, I never went out and I was never really that much trouble for my parents. I was pretty much the favorite child and now I usually get a cold shoulder from my parents. I feel stressed out about school, I can’t work as much since I am in school and I am always waiting for my next pay check. And my boyfriend is going to be going far away to school. I can’t afford to visit him or go with him, and the brief moment we talked about it, it seems that he doesn’t think a long distance relationship would work. I sometimes feel so hopeless. I don’t know what to do. I have thought on more occasions than I care to remember how nice it would be if I just wasn’t here anymore. I’ve thought of how I could commit suicide. I know I just want the easy way out. But I don’t want to do that to my family. So I’ve been fantasizing about drugs that could make me better but my family doctor is too close to my whole family and I don’t feel comfortable talking to her about it much less anyone. I have a very hard time expressing myself. I’m so worn out and I have no urge to even try to do anything. What can I do? Anything, any drugs like vitamins or something that could help? Please!
A: It sounds like you and your boyfriend have a lot of obstacles in your way. It may be that if you can let him go and grieve the loss you may start feeling better in a few weeks or months anyway. I know it sounds cliché but if you two are meant to be together then things will somehow work out. But in the meantime you need to start taking care of yourself. I would not only suggest seeing a doctor about medication or natural supplements (such as St. John’s Wort) but I think it would be a good idea to find a therapist so you can have a safe place to deal with all the issues you mentioned. You do not necessarily need to start with your family doctor, although she is bound to keep your confidentiality and if she is close with your family you may just want to let her know you don’t want them to know about your private business. The other option is to find a psychiatrist or just go to a new family doctor. You may even want to start therapy and then evaluate whether or not you still need medication. It is a serious matter if you have had thoughts of suicide so please get some help. I have recently answered other questions that also contained information about how to get the right help for you so you may want to read those posts too. I wish you luck and I hope the whole situation works out for the best.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 26 Nov 2006
Counts, H. (2006). I’m depressed but don’t want to talk to family doctor.. Psych Central. Retrieved on April 20, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2006/11/26/im-depressed-but-dont-want-to-talk-to-family-doctor/