Do I confront the other woman?

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Q: My husband left me a little over a year ago. he was gone for about 1 week. I asked him to come home for our kids 7 and 4 and he did. recently a neighborhood lady has been accused of cheating on her husband. My husband told me of this 6 months ago but wouldn’t tell me who or how he knew. Today he saw a PI watching her and imed. told me and then told me who and when that he wouldn’t tell me 6 months ago. the who was him and he said it never happened. too much matches. Where should I go from here…Very Mad and feeling fooled what should I do confront the lady or her husband or just wait?

A: I’m very sorry you find yourself in this painful situation. Please be careful that you don’t let your husband shift the blame from himself to the other woman. No one made him cheat on you or lie to you or leave his family. Your problem isn’t with the other couple. Confronting them is beside the point. Your problem is with your relationship with your husband. If he is asking for forgiveness and is working on making a good marriage with you now, the two of you may be able to save it. I hope so for the sake of your young children as well as for you. But if he continues to lie and try to justify himself, you have some very, very hard decisions to make.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie




Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 4 Nov 2006

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2006). Do I confront the other woman?. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 28, 2015, from

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