Q: We can not seem to potty train our 3 1/2 year old daughter. She is speech delayed but in preschool. She is making progress but not with the potty training. We had little problems with other milestones such as giving up the bottle for the sippy cup and the to the regular cup. Also, she gave up her pacsifer pretty easy. But this potty training has me stumped. We have tryed the old potty bootcamp by taking her to the potty every 30 minutes or so. That resulted in a lot of accidents. We have tried asking her if she needs to go to the potty and most times she says no. We have tried putting into training pants to see if she develops a dislike to being wet. We even had her going to the potty every morning but she got sick and after that she goes sometimes but not always. Is there some special technique that works for strong willed children. She is not interested in stickers (tried that) or rewards (she will just say no if she does want to do something). She likes Barbie, Dora, and ear rings. Any help would be very much appreciated.
A: I’m not an expert on potty training but I do have a couple of thoughts. I’m not at all certain that this is an issue of “strong will”. Your daughter has taken her time on other milestones but she always gets there. Why should this be any different? One guess is that you and her Dad are anxious about this and she is picking up on your anxiety. Perhaps you could tell her (calmly and sweetly) that she will use the potty like her friends when she is ready and that you are taking a vacation from the “potty problem”. Then do it. Back off for a month or two and see what happens. Help her change when needed and do so matter of factly and without scolding or rolling your eyes. Meanwhile, I suggest you consult with your pediatrician both to make sure that there isn’t a physical reason for the delay and to see if he/she has some advice for you. Your pediatrician knows you and your daughter wll and may be able to offer some insights.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 21 Oct 2006
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2006). Potty training blues.. Psych Central. Retrieved on February 14, 2012, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2006/10/21/potty-training-blues/
