Q. I started a new job not long ago. During my first day when you are being introduced to people i noticed a man following me right by my side. i was introduced to him and soon after that i caught him looking me over. when i caught him he did not stop and my hair stood up on the back of my neck. it was just creepy. since then he has been relentless with phone calls and showing up at lunch. I have tried to politely put him off and it seemed to work. after about 2 weeks of not seeing him around or getting phone calls. he called and started yelling at me. he kept asking the same questions over and over and then did not let me off the phone until i agreed that he had the “right” to call and ask me questions. i dont know how to put it the phone call left me very upset and sick too my stomach. that night i found i note on my car. i could not read it. i do not know who it was from. it had been raining. since then he stayed away from me for about a week. last week i kept bumping into him everywhere. a co-worker witnessed one occasion and said he did it on purpose. i was putting my tray away in a small room off the cafeteria and he walked by saw me put his tray down and started to walk into the room i was in. i turned to walk out and there he was.i just said hi and walked off. my co-workers are telling me he has a reputation and i am his type. they think he is upset because i am not interested in him. i am being told to ignore him or he will get worse yet my ignoring him seems to make it worse. i feel like i am being bullied into becoming his friend. i have to admit i was a victim of a stalker 16 years ago and it was violent. i am reading from places i may be more sensitive than other people. all i know is i am scared of this guy. i am thinking about leaving my job. i looked him up online and another woman has had a restraining order on him in the past. i also want to say that in 16 years this is this first time since then that i have been afraid i am being stalked. he is a doctor and i am not so forget going to human resources, which is what other people are telling me to do. until then i plan on staying out of his way and being polite if we cross paths. any ideas would be appreciated. i have told my husband about this he wants me to go to human resources he is afraid the guy will come after me. he doesnt understand i am small with blonde hair and green eyes people think i am pretty. they will not take me seriously.
A. I think that you should not only go to human resources and tell them all about what you have told me, you should alert the police. Do not take this lightly and do not think this is nothing but a bunch of coincidences. Be on the safe side and report these events. Even if this man is not officially “stalking” you yet, he is harassing you and this is against the law. The phone calls he has made to you could easily constitute harassment. He does not have the “right” to call you and demand that you answer his questions. Don’t hesitate any longer. His behavior is disturbing and he has a history of violence. Tell human resources and consider contacting the police. You are extremely too passive in your responses to this man. This could be the result of other issues. You should also get counseling. The counselor should act as a weekly check on your behavior to see if indeed you are responding incorrectly or correctly. You need to do these things now and not later. Perhaps your husband is also passive by nature and helps you to respond inappropriately. Please, do these things and do them now. Good luck.
What's Related
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