Q: My best friend recently came to me and told me of an incident, where my boyfriend ( of 10 years)behaved offensively to her father and her husband’s parents. This happened more than 6 months ago at a party. She was very upset, as her husband does not want to see us or include us in any social events where we would normally join them. Now, should I tell him and hold him reponsible, or should my friends have a talk with him?

A: You’ve been with this boyfriend 10 years. I would guess that your best friend and husband have known him a long time. Yet this incident happened 6 months ago and they’ve let it fester. I don’t get it. They’re going to ditch a relationship on the basis of one incident without even trying to talk about it?

It’s possible that people misunderstood what he said. It’s possible your boyfriend was tactless and needs to apologize. Anything is possible. But until people start acting like grown-ups and talk about the event directly, the problem will only get worse. This is everyone’s responsibility, not just yours. By all means, get everyone together and clear the air. Otherwise, this friendship is over just because no one had the courage to have a conversation. That would be a shame indeed.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 18 Oct 2006