Q: MY HUSBAND IS 49 ME 33.WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER MARRIED 5 YEARS TOGETHER 10. 7 YEARS AGO HE HAD AN AFFAIR.I THOUGHT I HAD SORTED IT OUT BUT I HAD FORGIVEN HIM NOT TRUSTED HIM. HE GOES AWAY A BIT GOLFING WITH THE LADS ETC AND WHEN HE IS AWAY I FEEL SICK CANT SLEEP, WHEN HE GETS BACK I AM TRULY HORRIBLE ACCUSING HIM OF EVERY DEED THERE IS.I WANT TO TRUST HIM SO MUCH.WE TRIED TO HAVE SEX LAST NIGHT BUT I FELT SICK DIRTY AND UPSET.I DONT WANT TO DIVORCE HIM BUT CAN SEE NO OTHER WAY.
A: You waited two years after his affair to get married so you must have thought you had worked through any questions you had about his ability to be true to you. I can’t tell whether you have reason to believe he’s unfaithful now or whether you are torturing yourself and him because you are scared to death that you made a bad choice. Before you move toward divorce, I think it would be wise for you to seek out a couples therapist to talk about your fears and to sort out what’s what. If your distress is due to your own anxiety, therapy will help you learn to trust. If, on the other hand, you have good reason to distrust your husband, a therapist can help you decide whether you want to work on saving your marriage or whether divorce is the wisest thing for you to do.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 5 Oct 2006
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2006). I Want to Trust My Husband, But…. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 21, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2006/10/05/i-want-to-trust-my-husband-but-cant/