Q. I come from a very troubled family. Father molested us and my one sister committed suicide at 36yrs of age. My youngest sister is an alcoholic. I have been diagnosed bipolar as well as my sister that committed suicide. I have many health problems. I had a TIA about 4 yrs ago.Recently been diagnosed with white matter brain disease, essential tremor, type 2 diabetes. I have hypothyroidism also. My problem is that I don’t care. My sugar levels are bad and I take medication when I feel like it. I am 30 lbs. overweight and pretend to diet occasionally. I take medication for depression and anxiety. I feel awful most of the time. Tired, achy and totally unmotivated. I go to the right doctors and take meds for high blood pressure,high cholesterol, thyroid, etc. but do nothing to help myself. Its getting worse. Yesterday after testing my sugar levels I purposely ate food the rest of the day that would make my sugar even worse. I know I’m trying to kill myself but in a slow way. I don’t want to feel this way but I don’t want to help myself either. What can I do to stop this behaviour or at least really want to stop this behaviour?
A. There must be some part of you that does care otherwise you would not have taken the time to write to me about this issue. You should care because this is your life. Maybe you are feeling helpless with all of your health problems and think that giving up is the easier route to take. I can understand this. After all, it is hard to stick with a diet, lose weight, and follow doctor’s advice and recommendations. It is easier to not do anything and just let yourself go. But I think that you know deep down that you are taking the easy route and that taking that easy “I don’t care” route is wrong. I think you know this almost instinctively and that is why you wrote. I say follow your instincts that tell you that what you are doing is wrong. You are hurting yourself terribly. You are your own worst enemy. The good news is that is you have the power to change this by caring about yourself and taking care of yourself. Only you can help yourself. Only you can stop hurting yourself. My advice is to find a therapist who can help you. Don’t do this all alone. You can also search for a support group with people experiencing similar health problems. I am sorry you are feeling awful every day. I cannot truly know what you must go through everyday. I do know, however, that you can help yourself feel psychologically better by seeking help and support for yourself. Please heed my advice. Please keep in contact to let me know how you are doing.
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