Q: From a teen in the Midwest: me and my boyfriend have been together for about a year, off and on, and i am SO uncomfortable with the relationship. Just recently i have been feeling SO clingy and possessive over him and ive started to get super jealous. I started going to a different school this year and I get so scared about what girl s he talks to. We recently got into an arguement. i didn’t want him talking to this girl because in the past he had feelings for her. he says shes a good person and i just lost it because he always defends her i just get so jealous and i cry ALL the time. When i get home from school i just cry because i miss him and i feel so lonely and lost. ive been diagnosed with depression from this. In the past I have done things to him that maybe made him act this way, but he says he stays with me because he loves me. He tends to joke with me about girls and he always talks about other girls. Whenever i talk about other guys (which is basically never) he gets all mad and says he wants to breakup and hangs up the phone. HE is EXTREMELY jealous and i get so sick of it. I can’t even look at a guy and he’ll make a comment about it. Now, im not going to start blaming him but i have been pretty bad too, its just i love him so so so much. He means the world to me, its just i think he’s cheating. Hes just losing interest in me I know it. I need help, really REALLY bad. I have major depression from this and i don’t know what to do. I can’t handle this alone.
A: If you’ve been diagnosed with depression, someone is doing the diagnosing. I really, really, really hope you have told the doctor everything you have told me. A doctor can only respond to what you decide to share. If you kept anything back, you’ve limited how much your doctor can help you. AND – I really, really, really hope you are talking to your parents. Believe it or not, sometimes parents are a girl’s best friend in situations like this.
I do have a guess why you are continuing in a relationship with a guy who tries to control you, teases you, and hurts you. I really don’t think it’s so much about loving the guy. My guess is that the move to the new school has been more traumatic than maybe you want to admit. It’s very tough to fit in to a new high school. The groups have already formed. The kids are judgemental of a new person. It’s just plain scarey. Maybe you are holding on to this old relationship because at least it’s something. But this guy is only hurting you. And holding on to the relationship means that you simply aren’t available for new friendships and new adventures. My best suggestion to you (after the honest talk with your doctor and your folks) is that you dig deep, find your courage, at least pretend that you are interested in the new school, and reach out to some of the girls who seem kind. Join a club. Get involved in a community service project. Take up a sport or try out for a play. Start being visible, helpful, and interested in things and people will start to know who you are. It will take awhile. But it will happen.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 23 Aug 2006
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2006). I can’t handle this alone.. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 9, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2006/08/23/i-can%e2%80%99t-handle-this-alone/