Q: From a 13 year old:
I hate my mother so much. i just can’t stand it anymore i have had suicidal thoughts, i have cut myself and often have runaway thoughts. What Do I do? I just cannot stand even spending one second around her. She accuses me of things and is so stupid and i always just want to scream at her. i can think of a total of one time in the past year that i didn’t totally want to punch her in the face. I don’t know what to do. tell me before it’s too late. please.
A: I’m glad you wrote. Things in your house have become much too intense.
First, let me give you some background. It’s usual for teens to have periods of anger against their parents. This is an important developmental stage when the young person begins to assert some independence. Sometimes kids have to find reasons to be very angry to give them an “excuse” to distance from loving parents. During the teen years, kids move back and forth between moments of warm closeness and periods of angry pulling away. It’s a tumultuous and difficult time for kids and parents alike.
What is worrisome about your letter is the intensity of your feelings over so much time. I can’t know from a letter whether your mom is being too hard on you or whether you are over-reacting or both. I do know that the two of you need some help. You have another 5 years before you should leave home. Those 5 years could be a wonderful time of growing up or could be awful for you both. If you could fix it yourselves, you would have done so by now. It’s time to call in some help.
You don’t mention your dad. If he’s more even-keeled, perhaps you could talk with him about how to change things. If your dad isn’t around, maybe there is a favorite aunt or grandma you can confide in.
If not — there are professionals who devote themselves to just this kind of problem. Google search this address: www.aamft.org You can find therapists in your area who specialize in family problems and adolescents.
This is a chance for you to show your mother how mature you can be. Tell her that you are worried about your relationship with her and that you want the next 5 years to be good ones. Then show her the list of counselors who can perhaps help you out.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
What's Related
- Other posts by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker
- Confidential to NJ teen
- Confidential messages from Dr. Marie
- I feel lonely when I’m with my family.
- My family life makes me so depressed.
- Episodes of extreme anger
